rhapsodize

2012-01-03T23:46:00.001+08:00

I want to be very very very pretty so you would........ Like me more

2012-01-03T10:39:00.013+08:00

sometime ago i lost myself. completely.

got out and got over a past relationship. adapted to a whole new environment. and this is where i am.

can never thank god enough for him; my man <3

i've realize that my blog has been photo-less for sometime now. will sum up my 2011 with a couple of pictures. teeeeheeee

thank god for my promotion to executive chief of the pantry. haha no ah.

but honestly thank god. and never once i regretted my decision in sgh.

celebrating his sweet 16

we were survivors of the titanic

jpo yeaaaaah!

our very own batam trip

lunch at ah yat with sgh

dnd with the girls

them <3

xmas din din :)

een's

my first dilwali in sgh

the second love of my life

our very own trip to hk with priceless experience :)

in the changing room

when tinklebell, scrumphy and small person decided to leave.

when siti left.

disneyland with lovelove

classy birthday dinner

our very first web cam picture

prps reunion

our very first overseas trip

ice-skating and kite flying.

sometimes i wonder how they were doing. all i can do is pray to god for their well being.

i miss you girls and 0702.

to a whole brand new year. so long to all the horrible dramas. living life to the fullest. embracing to every new priceless experience. not getting angry to easily. not letting the slightest thing affect me. be very very happy. and bring it on, 365 ;)

2011-12-29T18:43:00.001+08:00

I am very thankful for being the luckiest girl in the world. I thank god for my awesome boyfriend. I can never thank god enough .

2011-12-17T20:52:00.003+08:00

I'm just sad. That kind of sad that leaves you with no energy. The kind of sad that makes you want to crawl into bed and never wake up. The kind of sad that overwhelmes you so that even moving, or even talking or even smiling is painful. The kind of sad that you feel it in your heart. The kind of sad that a Congenital heart defect corrective surgery would hurt less.

I guess sometimes I gotta Be my own hero and save my own little heart. Because sometimes, the people you can't Imagine living without , can actually live without you . Proven for word. Nobody will take care of this little heart.

I wish I could go really far, and hide with my worthlessness. And someday hope somebody would Be proud of who I really am.
Ps: I wished everyday was filled with loving initiative from you just like 171212

2011-11-29T22:58:00.002+08:00

I've learnt that if you open your heart fully and help others they are going to eventually stab you to death. It has always been always. I'm utterly speechless and disgusted. @.@

2011-11-22T01:16:00.002+08:00

Today as of 1:13 am officially marks my 365 day. Im very proud of myself to have come this far. I'm very proud to have taken the gamble of life. To the new friends and to all my old ones :) not long ago, I met someone. Someone who I couldn't ask for more. Someone who turned all my dreams into reality, someone worth more than everything.
To more better happy endings in my life.

Dear spore, I'm officially gonna celebrate my 365. Wait for my return :))

2011-11-17T14:52:00.002+08:00

I feel so lost. Like a compass with a broken needle.
I swear it was clear intention , wrong interpretation :'(

I just wish........

2011-11-15T07:53:00.001+08:00

Dear god, it never felt this hard before. Why ?

2011-11-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=SG#/watch?v=4lNxBtO2U_g

Dear sun please revolve faster

2011-11-08T11:41:00.002+08:00

It's alwas not easy to speak your mind, sometimes you need to be forced to do it. Sometimes it's better to just keep things to yourself, play dumb, even when your whole body is aching to come clean. So you just shut your mouth, keep your secret and find other wAys to keep yourself happy.

Feels like countdown to the olvls all over again. Oh dear sun, please revolve around the world alittle faster. I honestly can't wait any longer.

2011-11-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

What exactly brings two souls together. To go through life face every obstacle and then accept death gracefully . What exactly attracts you from the opposite sex ? Because of how she looks ? Similar interest? Similar thoughts, goals and dreams ? What does it exactly takes to fit your bill ? Is it always that hard to keep up ? To be that idol that your partner creates in his or her head . What exactly does it take it just love ?

If only people around could take a step back and give a chance to everything. Give it 99 chance . Then that extra one to finally decide what you want in life .

2011-10-20T08:11:00.001+08:00

The only Bo that is coming out is from your filth mouth !!!! Your fucking existence is extremely redundant. You are on your fucking mobile 24/7. Even at work you go mia. And you seriously Look like you need to bath qds. Your appearance is the filthiest looking thing in the ward ! Go back to your fucking country . I really can't stand you dog

2011-10-08T23:51:00.002+08:00

nobody notices when we leave.
i mean, the moments when we truly choose to go.
at best, you might feel

a whisper

or the wave of a whisper undulating down.

dear jiggly puff and combat killer, you have been the best thing that happen in the hospital.
you made me look forward to all my shifts and welcome it with open arms.
you showed me wrong from right. you had my back. "suck it up and finish your darn shift"
memories of all my 'after-shift' will remain like how i store an old memory somewhere in my hard disk. there but just slowly unnoticed. shed a tear once i dig up the file; occasionally.
now that you guys are leaving, i wish you the best that life has to offer. i guess i'm just not destined to have good friends by my side. when such good friends are so hard to come by.

someday, i'll find my ticket out of that place.

2011-10-07T22:48:00.002+08:00

Same time last year things were definitely different. I miss being so carefree . Even exams didnt stress me put this bad. Too many responsibilities . Too many people asking for too many things. Feels like the whole world is above me . I hate myself sometimes . I swear I wasn't like this :(( god please bless me for the ugly road ahead send me more support from high above :(

2011-10-05T15:17:00.001+08:00

I love my宝贝 to death !! Im really lucky to have him in my life!!

2011-09-30T17:08:00.004+08:00

Life

finally alone time to talk to myself. i've realised something about myself. i don't know if its good or bad. i tend to not talk about anything that's bothering the shit out of me. i tend to keep it to myself and somehow a way or another find my way swimming out that pile of shit i landed in.
i don't let anyone in on my emotions. thus i guess, people around me wouldn't have the slightest idea of what goes on in this brain of mine. even if i were to talk about 'the situation' it definitely wouldn't be in a direct tone and i guess people around me are not just 'up there' to roll with me. so, you do the math. good or bad. but i have to admit, i'm grateful for those who are still in my life. definitely draws a fine line between stupid and not. sometimes its just hard telling people things about yourself, right?

lately it's been about the matter of love.
Do you have what it takes? If your relationship is in trouble, can you weather the storm? When the ground gives way and your world collapses, maybe you just need to have faith and trust that you can survive this together. Maybe you just need to hold on tight and no matter what, don't let go. i'm thankful for that someone who constantly gives in to me (giggles*)

well i guess everything has its up and down. One minute you're standing on solid ground, the next minute, you're not. And there are always two versions - yours and theirs. Both versions start the same way though; both start with two people falling in love.

i'll therefore have to constantly remind myself, 'i've always wanted this. i've always wanted you. and i've always wanted to be the last to kiss your lips.'

i wouldn't trade the world for them. because they mean the world.

work

You work, you study, you prepare. Months and years leading to one day, the day when you step up. On that day you have to be ready for everything, but there's one thing you can never quite prepare for. A day when you step down. i never prepared myself well for it. my days consists of a mixture of 'i want to kill myself' and 'the world is so beautiful' with a constant of i hate certain people.

i'm a nice person. just don't push the bitch button. bipolar. omg.

lately i've learned that most people would say one thing to your face and just think of something different. but not to long ago, when i was going through a zombified period of my life, i met someone who (i never thought) actually believed in chances. it was nice talking to her, like a friend. an honest friend.

then again Sometimes it happens in an instance. We step up, we see a path forward. We see a path and we take it. Even when we have no idea where we're going.

quotes from jiggly puff,"girl, one day you're gonna snap so bad because you had enough of taking it all in."

i hope she's wrong.

2011-09-25T01:50:00.002+08:00

January: remembering
FebRuary: forgetting
March: trying
April: something new
May: pros and cons
June: 21
July: finding home
August: heat
September: discovery
October: missing everything
November: happiness
December: high hopes

2011-09-15T01:11:00.004+08:00

tumblr steal. "ha-ha"

2011-09-12T00:30:00.001+08:00

12:29 12septemer2011 you broke my heart.

I'm facing the worst life crisis. And i cannot stop crying.
Can I talk to someone please ?
I need a hug I sware

2011-09-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

Blogging with ii wished it was waterproof so I could do it under the shower. Brand new year marks a brand new start for everything. Life gives us many chances . A month to clear our sins. And a month to rejoice over the achievement conquered so far. December would also welcome another brand new year with new resolutions to live up to. Had a new change of environment at work. I'll take it all in stride. Combat medic always keep the hype with her encouraging motivation, "suck it in" wonder what I would do without her and the rest.

I can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety or by the handle of faith. Even if It is going through hell, I'm going to make it through hell.
It's like one good example whereby every other person had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. But i, i seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway me one way or the other. I'm careless with my life. I'm not slitting my wrists but i'm just careless. The problem is the faith I put in chances is inevitable. All I hope is that I don't die from it. Enough about the hospital.

To Teri:
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

To bf:
1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 island, 7 seas and I had the privilege to meet you. Thank you for being my everything <3

2011-09-03T03:04:00.002+08:00

3 down one more night to go. I look superbly zombified despite the fact that boyfriend tells me I'm the prettiest girl ever. Heeee thanks love. I miss mum. I haven't met her for 2 days already. Before she comes home from work I would have already have left for work. Inner feeling: I feel like the crappiest person alive. I miss it when I see people all dressed up in their newly tailored colorful traditional costume going for syawal visiting. In addition, they are doing it with the full attendance of every single family member :( and here I am stuck at work. Total bummer. I miss my family. And if I'm going to further touch on this context I might just shed a tear or two :'( <--- note the smiley :'(

Sometimes no wait all the time, no matter how hard I try to pacify everybody around me it just doesn't seem enough :(
Be too loud and people judge you.
Don't talk and you might make things awkward.
Can I just be myself ? :(

Will you still love me and thinks that the sun shines out of my ass ? :(

2011-08-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

“I’ve learned a lot this year.. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.”

Cheers to a brand new start.
Selamat aidilfitri everyone :))

2011-08-23T01:08:00.003+08:00

i miss last time. when it was just me alone against awesome fun.

work had been emotionally challenging. its hard when there someone out there ruining every thought that keeps your rolling. i feel very sad and distracted. conversations in the head with noone else but myself are something that i look forward to every single day. im definitely not the person i was a year ago. i miss being carefree. i miss having fun. guess i was never significant from the start. im done impressing you and your company. just let me rot in a little corner of the hospital and let the grey matter in my brain deplete like the thining ozone layer. im disgusted for you making fun of me asking me to eat during my fasting month, im disgusted in myself that i once actually looked up to you.

to teh botol:

mum said 'marriage is a gamble, you bet big you tio big. you bet small you tio small'. its all about luck. and i've never doubted what mum said.

but i guess its just not enough. besides what is enough. expectation makes someone forget his human. it was barely a week, you barely knew me. haha do you regret now?

2011-08-13T23:39:00.002+08:00

The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome and all. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.

Dear rr, do you think the sun shines out of my ass ?

2011-08-09T18:12:00.000+08:00

The stereo in the car. Reminds me of national day last year; those crazy moments . I would definitely say I missed it :(

2011-08-05T03:13:00.001+08:00

then i found you.

2011-08-04T05:49:00.002+08:00

Waiting patiently for the morning staff For me to hand over my shift. Then again I'm on night and then again sister is always making the huge ass biggest mistake of her life by putting in-charge all by myself. Can't wait for Jen (nurse) to come. She would gladly announce how zombified I looked after my night shift and that I would just scare all my patients. No kidding I'm damn serious. Ha ha ha did I mention how much I detest doing night ! 4 nights is enough to drain the shit out :(

Haven't been blogging diligently :( total fail.
It's going to be 7 am and bio chem had to called up to report another critical lab result. Shall pre amp myself by preparing a set of calcium Gluconate for my rather annoying bed 4 !! Detest !

Sometimes I need someone to tell me, hey nadiah you're a wonderful nurse and you rock.
Drop me an SMS if I know you :)

2011-07-31T12:20:00.001+08:00

i read once that the ancient egyptians had fifty words for sand and the eskimos had a hundred words for snow. i wish i had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep.

& there are no words for that.

2011-07-23T23:46:00.002+08:00

In life we're taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven.

You give in to a sin like envy or pride, and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lot of people with you.

i must be total fucking bitch for having the world revolve around me .........

2011-07-22T12:20:00.002+08:00

When I thought everything was falling into place. Life is hard

2011-07-22T12:19:00.003+08:00

I feel like a drive alone here singing on the top of my lungs. Anybody knows this place ? Nah I doubt u don't.

2011-07-19T14:51:00.002+08:00

When ayat-ayat cinta came out on the stereo and how 'orchestra-emotion' we would become. When I would just go all crazy even in uniform when I saw you at the lobby because I knew things were gonna be ok. Studying hard together was very Promising. When dad asked me, how have you been and all I did was attempt to survive a choked saliva. When you thought sticky was popcorn and apparently still thinks it is.

To you, where ever you are, whatever you are doing, you pop-Ed in my mind and I just wanted to say I miss you .:)

2011-07-19T11:53:00.002+08:00

I don’t want a normal relationship. I want something fucked up and passionate that completely destroys us both. I want us to be the only people that are able to handle each other. I want to feel out of control, and yet safe in my insanity.

not caring about what other people think of me was the best choice i've ever made.

2011-07-19T11:37:00.001+08:00

to teri:

up those who just don't believe in chances.

lots of love, leticia.

2011-07-19T10:37:00.003+08:00

A random conversation I had with mum.
"is he different from ** ?"
(surprisingly her memory is so good) "yeah he is no doubt the best, mum."

Bb bought me breakfast . Thanks love

2011-07-18T21:22:00.002+08:00

this is the third post for today. i shouldn't fb too much. its unhealthy especially when i'm not working and all i've got planned for the day is being lazy.
go back to basics. where my roots were; blogging.

someday. ill open you (fb) again :)
till then you have done great justice to my life =)

2011-07-18T10:35:00.002+08:00

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.even a piercing wouldn't hurt as much as this. this is the most painful thing I've ever done, and I'm a girl who's had 82 surgeries. My threshold for pain is pretty high. but this hurts like a bitch.

the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it.

i wished you loved me more than anything. that's all.

2011-07-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

But sometimes, you have to jump off a bridge and hope like hell that you learn to fly on your way down

Dear god, please make things a little easy for me . Thank you

2011-07-02T06:30:00.002+08:00

It's 630 am and I'm sitting at my nurses counter waiting for the morning shift to hand-over.
I'm dead tired . But I've got one more night to go. I feel the need to talk to myself and hence I'm blogging. I had an uncalled for event with a member living under the same roof. And I've have been feeling a wee bit depressed ever since. With the crazy adventures that happens at work, i'm basically in need of a hug. To tell me that everything is going to be alright .

Just one more night ! Brace it

2011-06-28T16:53:00.000+08:00

It's like you must have a certain memory about each other. Like the warmth of your back the pace of your heart beat and the way your fingers would curl in sequence when I play with your palm. Like how everyone around is wearing your scent. And how I could just feel your presence in a crowd.

Congrats on becoming captain handsome.

2011-06-24T23:18:00.006+08:00

lately i turned 21. There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

Remember when we were little, and we would accidentally bite a kid on the playground? Our teachers would go "Say you're sorry." And we would say it, but we wouldn't mean it. Because the stupid kid we bit, totally deserved it. But, as we get older, making amends isn't so simple. After the playground days are over, you can't just say it. You have to mean it. Of course, when you become a nurse, sorry is not a happy word. It either means you're dying and I can't help. Or, it means this is really gonna hurt.

it's hard growing up. very hard.
i wish life isn't all about pleasing. i wish life was much more care-free beyond the sunny hoooorriiiizzzzzonnnnn

it's also a beginning... of something incredible. Something new. Something unpredictable. Something true. Something worth loving. Something worth missing. Something that will change your life... forever.

2011-06-24T22:55:00.004+08:00

I just wish I could roll back the clocks to when things were the same; when we were all just a bunch of crazy teenagers looking for a wild time. But now, thing aren’t the same. Each of us have gone our different ways and we aren’t those crazy teenagers looking for a wild time anymore. We’ve changed.

but then again it doesn't really matter because There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and the drama they bring.

What do you do when you become too scared, too scared to live, too scared to die, too scared to love, too scared to even care? i get scared when the night gets really really quiet and i can't sleep. i get really really scared. only god knows how scared i get.

2011-06-20T00:46:00.004+08:00

dear dad, thanks for being the best 'boyfriend' and for being there for me for 21 years of my life.
i love you my ol' man. happy fathers' day

2011-06-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

Still; I wished he was right there everytime I turn to look.

2011-06-18T00:40:00.007+08:00

Memories are so two-faced. One minute they’re hugging you like a long-lost friend, the next minute they’re ripping you apart like your worst enemy.

to tehbotol: we're trained to give our patients just the facts. But what our patients really want to know is - will the pain go away? Will I feel better? Am I cured? What our patients really want to know is - is there hope? But, inevitably, there are times when you find yourself in the worst case scenario. When the patient's body has betrayed them and all the science we have to offer has failed them. When the worst case scenario comes true, clinging to hope is all we've got left. hang on tehbotol. i'll stand by you no matter what happens. people like them don't deserve your priceless heart breaks =) i love you.

i'll save you when you drown

i'll catch you when you fall

teeeeeeeheeeeeeee!

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year. It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, a way of letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it's also important to remember that, amid all the crap, there are a few things worth holding on to.

someday

i'll be a cool mum

There are many things that bind friends together - Sharing a laugh over an embarrassing incident, comforting each other in times of need, finding it in our hearts to forgive. But, the thing that binds friends together the most is a secret that changes everything.

2011-06-17T03:44:00.002+08:00

life begins at the end of your comfort zone. 1st may. you lead me to the edge of a cliff. it didn't take me one month to put all my trust in you. before i knew, you caught me when i fall off or you just taught me how to fly. maybe it's just not about the ending, maybe it's about the story. ily.

it's how u trust ur instinct or gut feelings that u can last with a person.

feb 29, 1983
i had the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. the ability to just sit and talk. about love, life and about almost everything. to sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our life slowing to a crawl. bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitation. to speak without regret or fear of consequences. to talk for hours on end about what's really important in life. haven't cried. dull reality turned a little wonderland.

i wished everyday was feb 29, 1983.

2011-06-10T00:10:00.004+08:00

You know you like someone when they’re all you think about. When they randomly pop up in your head and either bring you a smile or a frown. A smile because they make you happy and a frown because they’re not a part of your life. You know you like someone when you talk to them a lot. When each and every word they say gets imprinted into your memory. You know you like someone when their smile lights up your day. When you get lost just by staring into their eyes. You know you like someone when they make you so happy but have the ability to make you so sad too. You know you like someone when you get jealous. When you see them hanging out or talking to someone else, your heart starts to sink. You know you like someone when you get happy just because they started a conversation with you. But most of all, you know you like someone just by reading this and they popped up into your head. I wonder who would it be ?

I guess whatever happened was for the best, but you should stop giving me those looks every other day because it makes me think that you still care and I know that you don’t. If you cared, you wouldn’t have said goodbye.

If god answers your prayers he is increasing your faith. If he doesn't he is training for your patience.
Here's a toss; to less drama and more happy ending. And to having the courage of never looking back !

2011-06-09T13:15:00.002+08:00

I guess you just lost touch . 3 years is a very very long time

2011-06-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

2011-06-07T11:40:00.004+08:00

Then I wanted to go into that water. I wanted it so badly that my mouth stung like salt and my skin ringside and I stood up and ran down to the shore. I wanted to go into the waves and find the things that other people saw. I knew that is was better than I was, than what my life was. It was something deep and far and soothing and dark and bright. It was without pain. It was like falling into the surging liquid herd of waves and becoming nothing and everything at once. I'm still looking for it

Andain- promises give it a listen

2011-06-06T10:20:00.001+08:00

You fucked up. I say it's ok. You say sorry . I let it go. Don't be mad because I said I don't give a fuck. Be mad because I once did and you were too blind to see

2011-06-05T10:10:00.004+08:00

I found it hard to be in love.That's only because I didn't want to be in lOve. I refused to lower my walls down. I was to afraid of getting hurt once you open yourself up to someone there's a chance things won't go the way you intended and you'll be left broken. I wasn't ready to feel Empty, not just yet. Before everything I just don't want to feel like a rebound.

Just one text. hope is like organ damage. It's like dying, but you're still breathing . And the only difference is death ends. You've made your stand and I've finally made up my mind. I'm done .

2011-06-03T00:20:00.003+08:00

My first dil case ; in-charge

What an awesome early 21st !! Loving life _|_

2011-06-02T10:23:00.003+08:00

Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to fully know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence. And absence to fucking value presence.

I'm happy I met you silly person and I'm very happy I've finally learnt to let go

2011-05-19T23:02:00.002+08:00

I thought I would be fine doing thing by myself . Never did I thought I would be so entwined with this magic reality that happening right now. It's like this magical person who keeps telling me that it's alright to not do things on my own. It's alright to lean on and trust. And it's definitely alright to hope all over again. I get so tired from everyday so that I could head home and sleep. (that would also mean my brain would stop thinking) But now, I don't. I don't look forward to a flatline every single day, since I met you. You practically let my soul my free again. .

2011-05-19T01:11:00.003+08:00

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it's not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life.

im just afraid of being a whole new person with a whole new life.

time check : 1:19 thursday may 19.
today was a great day. i had every single ray of vitamin d penetrating through the pores of my skin. surrounded by the filthy waters of poop with the sight of this awesome half-naked guy wakeboarding. haha. i describe until like wonderland but it's just bedok reservoir. no seriously.
then i had to be utterly disturbed by a phonecall. a number i so dreaded to answer. but i had to take it.
caller: (inserts crazy nonya voice) hallo ah jamil ah?
me: that would be the wrong number as i muttered under my breathe and went back to my most obedient voice, yes sister this is jamil -_________-
caller: you ah you can come back to staff clinic. go take vaccine chicken pox jab. new staff name (blabla) is having chicken pox. then call back to report time vaccine taken ah. dont forget ah.
disrupted by a phonecall awesome uv day spoilt by a visit to staff clinic.

fml in caps lock

ssn who gave me the jab. missy ah! no sex within four months ah!!
fml double in caps lock.

2011-05-16T09:53:00.004+08:00

And yet nobody realize why I get confused? Haha.

Guess this is the point in life When I should start to realise who matter; who never did; and who always will.
I'm gonna make Myself a huge sandwich and be on my way to work . Have a nice Monday :)

2011-05-16T00:17:00.004+08:00

you completely moved on. point definitely taken.

Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.

how i wished you took away my memory along with everything that you said to me.
Goodall, how I wish you could.

2011-05-10T22:54:00.002+08:00

Have you been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable . It opens up your chest it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside and fucking mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a suit or armor so that nothing can hurt you then there's just this one stupid person, no different from all the other stupid person wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didnt ask for it. They did something dumb like kiss you or smiled at you and then your life isn't you own anymore loves takes hostage it gets into you it eats you out and leaves you crying in darkness so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be friends' turns into a glass splinter working it's way into your fucking heart . Piercing through everything you ever believed and hoped for. It's not just imagination, it hurts . It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-into-you-and-rips-you apart pain. I hate love .
Dear Goodall, I beg you don't be so nice to me I definitely don't deserve it .

2011-05-07T01:43:00.000+08:00

2011-05-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

2011-04-28T00:23:00.005+08:00

so today, the craziest thing happened. it was like i was brought back to another twilight for a split moment. when everything just starts filling up in my head like the repeat mode of a broken tape recorder.

when i used to put all my heart and soul in believing in it. just like how a little kid would put their tooth under the pillow in hope that the tooth fairy might come and exchange it for a golden dollar. when you just put everything you've got in believing in it and it doesn't happen. you get tired and you just stop. (that was how it was for me)and you brought it all back. just like that. i went brain dead for a moment.

dear life, what are you trying to tell me ?
seriously what is it?
love, me.

2011-04-28T00:07:00.004+08:00

Everything is going to be okay. I have written those words so many times but for the first time in my life, those words mean something different. Because every other time, I was only trying to convince myself of something I didn’t believe. But now I know, I will be okay.

all i have to do is; not allowing anyone to have the satisfaction of knowing you'll always be there. that's just it. as simple as that. i think i can pull that off, can i ?

i want to do this with my best friend but where is she?
i didn't give up on her. i just got confuse and went away for a little while.

2011-04-26T14:03:00.005+08:00

finally after a mafaking crazy week i got the day off. and I'm tempted to blog. my fingers are all just so energised for a long sensational post. well i wouldn't know if sensational is that you guys would define but wtf. here I'm sitting at a place rather quoted as a hmm... a place where you can dine and enjoy really good food with a tinge of old American navy setup as a background. its by the streets of somewhere. and I've got joseph vincent singing 'my queen' in my earphones. wouldn't feel so lonely after all. I'm just taking a chance trying everything beautiful. laid back Tuesday. every time I'm enjoying an off day i wish that time would pass really really slowly. wake up and take 10 minutes just to get to the toilet. and I'm definitely not staying in one of those huge ass land property where i have to climb a flight of stairs to get somewhere. i treasure all my off days. its the purest thing you could every dream of.

let me now speak alittle of my job. i am definitely not working in some high end avenue with a good business company name to portray in both my outfit and reality. its in a hospital. that's it.
what i do? haha! i shall not even begin. let's just keep it that way. its on the 7th story. it's this really really long Aile and i mean fucking long Aile. like if i happen to run out of 10mls syringe i would have to walk all the way to central which feels like 10 km away and if central ran out of those 10mls syringe that i wanted i would then have to walk all the way to b2 which feels like another 10km added to my jogging destination. and upon reaching my mark i finally decided to pocket alot of 10 mls syringe in accomplishment, i would then look back at how far i would have to get back to my a station which feels like total disappointment. ok probably i would have exaggerated a little on the 10 km but trust me when you have sat down the entire day let alone consume anything, it definitely feels like a jog to johore bahru. no i am not kidding.
so given that its just big a place, all i every wanted was to hide a corner unnoticed, do my work and after-hours are all that i look forward to. but i was wrong.

lately i went out with my colleagues. people who i never thought would ask me out. probably for the fact that they would think I'm just weird. i don't speak much at work because half the time I'm having conversation with myself in my head. working in an environment where the female population is ginormous the best idea is to stay low because you know how when you put a bunch of girls in the unisex toilet (that we have at work) and they tend to fucking gossip and when you walk in they all go to a volume zero and pretend like there wasn't a single conversation to begin with. so the best stride is just to keep to yourself. so there was miss jiggly puff and miss combat killer.

them: where are you going after this?
me: home
them: want to go out?
me: eeerm...
them: I've got a dress and you can have my slippers.

so not long i was out with them. and it was alright. we talked and i felt accepted. not for survival, but just for the after-hours from the hospital. jiggly puff and combat killer are two people i would never see myself going out with. you know how we have labels in the society , like the jocks the big boobs, the nerds and so on. well i would say they would fall under the hardcore party fuckers. so i would never imagine why they would ask me out for i am definitely not hardcore at all.

lunner (lunch+dinner) with them definitely made me reminisce those moments where we would just have nice dinner after work at changi. i miss all of them. and i definitely miss all those times. probably there's a reason why it happened this way. its like we used to talk everyday and now its like we don't know each other anymore.

well then again its so much easier when you've got nothing because nothing can't be taken away from you. but sometimes i just don't want nothing anymore.

and for the record, to Hottento , up your mother fucking ass! because i definitely had enough of you pushing me around. _l_ i always pray i don't get to be on the same duty on you every single day!

i'm gonna meet another friend. later~

2011-04-24T00:39:00.010+08:00

ok let's have a just for laugh session!
and i mean it! haha

an epic fail of nina

a picture of getting wasted like paris
or when i decided to go all geisha except for the fact that my lips are nothing to die for.

cast your votes and text me your details.
let's practice in the name of polling \m/

2011-04-23T00:05:00.001+08:00

if only life was predictable. =( can't believe i choked a tear on this.

2011-04-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

I feel like going away. To an unfamiliar place. Probably a huge university where I can lose my navigation in. Get a new name. Believe in the name of falling in love again. There's nothing here. My dreams, hopes and preferably all those ambitions are pretty much not going anywhere. It's not happening.

But then again what if the outside world is not all easy and glory. What if I die half way?
Would I even have all the guts to leave everything behind in the first place . Nothings confirmed but it's just a two second thought. But I'll tell you when all of it is ever real haha!

2011-04-20T23:03:00.003+08:00

lately they've been the fireworks in my life. coz' they go boom boom boom!
to the person who thinks they might screw up june, better get ready 2 huge ass present for me.
or else, let's get wasted. in seafood and hmmmm (cunning smile). faey, take epi-pen alot alot for me from darth vader. :)

2011-04-20T22:30:00.005+08:00

so there has been this human, who has been the kindest person alive to come and accompany me feed the deathly craving that I've got diagnosed with for a good week. it was so bad that i imagined every single noodle tasted like ramen. i love you so much that if you were a guy i wanted to marry you so badly and cook and clean and sleep with you every single night. haha

honestly my life is in a total shit load of mess. I'm in an utter mess of destruction and nobody gives a fuck. I'm a horrible person lest everybody around me should give themselves a pat on the back for making me feel that way. i reek of cigarettes and alcohol.-metaphor or could it be the truth? hmm haha i'm just a horrible person so just run.

and to those who;
Everyone around me is fake. I have yet to meet someone who doesn't find the need to impress or please me. i have yet to meet someone who is willing to hurt me to love me. I live for the shitty moments where one can be brutally raw with me yet be sanguine enough about the aftermath. I want to be fully submerged in honesty that it kills me. try me, please, i beg you.
im really tired of crying, i sware. and please don't tell me i need a breather for i might just slap you. :)

i definitely know what it's like to want to die. how it hurts to smile to the most bitchiest colleague at work. how you try to fit but you can't just because you're not 'them', how you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
and sincerely apologize for the god-most emo post here.

so if you see me along the streets of town, don't fucking pretend to ask how am i? just give me a hug. i really need it. =(

2011-04-12T23:37:00.001+08:00

when you're just wide awake with your thoughts, light a cigarette with a hot cup of chocolate milk, give this breath taking song a listen.

2011-04-12T22:13:00.004+08:00

There was someone. This person who meant everything . You would wait at blk h carpark everytime I called. You knew how my day would be even without asking. If it was good, you knew. If it was bad, you definitely knew. And there wasn't a time when I had to hesitate to tell. And you took me on an excursion every single day be it by myself or with my friends. Everyday it was a new adventure. We had so many plans and dreams. We laughed at the silliest things. Gossiped like aunties . you spoke up for me, got my back everytime I fall. Scolded me if I drive like shit. And you were the only one who would laugh at my silliness. Finished up my sentences. Knew what i felt like eating. Everything you knew was spot on, no doubt about it. Your mum treated me like her own. And still i couldn't see. I got blind And I went away. You were always there. And this time, this time I lost you for good. This time there isn't someone there to tell me what to do when I'm at my wits end. I really don't know what to do. But you're just not there anymore to tell me what to do. There's nothing I could ask from you but be safe and happy always. I miss you, fi. I really do.

If growing up is this hard, I don't ever want to grow up. What happened to when some kid pushed you so hard till you fell and busted your knee and sorry would just make everything all ok. I wished it was that simple. I really do

Dear god if there really is something that you're trying to tell me, make it easier for your humble servant is going through a hard time.

2011-04-12T19:52:00.000+08:00

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You just gotta roll with the punches.
Even if it means rolling alone

2011-04-11T20:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the things you want the most don’t happen and what you least expect happens. I don’t know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed forever. its been three years and counting. less than 3 you my awesome gemini friend, study buddy, secret keeper, problem solver, kaki gerek and cursed foodie.

i'd catch a grenade for you throw my hand on the blade for you i'd jump in front of a train for you you know i'd do anything for you. haha

thanks for sparkling my today :)

2011-04-11T13:46:00.002+08:00

“I guess to some extent, you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night. You don’t expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sounds of all of them have been replaced by silence. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn’t terrible, it just hurts like hell.”

2011-04-11T02:05:00.003+08:00

The brain is the human body's most mysterious organ. It learns. It changes. It adapts. It tells us what we see, what we hear. It lets us feel love. I think it holds our soul. And no matter how much research we do, no one can really say how all that delicate grey matter inside our skull works. And, when it's hurt, when the human brain is traumatized, well, that's when it gets even more mysterious. and i mean very very very mysterious.

its 0230 in the morning. i can't seem to sleep, guess it was being on the roll of night shift. I'm looking through my facebook pictures and profile. lives that i've touch and those who've touched mine. people who stood by me and those who are still standing by me. places i've been. experience i've encountered. things that i've tried.

then again, What to do when you just ain’t feeling anything anymore? When it doesn’t make a difference? & When you just don’t care? When you live for the moments that aren’t there? & when you’re trying to figure yourself out, but you’re scared to come across reality? What do I do? forget the one who forgot about you; easier said than done.

2011-04-07T17:16:00.002+08:00

when you're all alone and the cold wind hits you bad, light up a cigarette, this is the song I'm listening. will you take a listen also?

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

—Oprah Winfrey

2011-04-07T16:26:00.001+08:00

Most people live life on a path set for them. To afraid to explore any other. But once in a while someone comes along and knock down all the obstacles in their way. They who realize free will is a gift will never know how to use until they know how to fight for it.
And maybe one day they won't write the plan , but leave it to chance.

2011-04-05T15:11:00.001+08:00

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well, I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle, a mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore

Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well, sentence me to another life

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
'Cause you know we're not the same
No, we're not the same, oh, we're not the same

Yeah, I've got friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good, it's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend

2011-04-05T15:00:00.003+08:00

You definitely could call me. I would definitely answer this time. We could definitely go out. I definitely missed you too. I would rather hear everything from someone else instead of it coming straight from you. It wouldn't hurt like a bitch and I at least had a choice to buy it or not. Dear fiqo, you definitely broke my heart. Please give all of us another chance. Please get better .

Lesson learnt; Up yours ok

2011-04-01T20:25:00.005+08:00

too many pictures to upload.
this basically sums up our trip.
enjoy~

2011-03-27T20:22:00.004+08:00

dear sun, please be good for the next couple of days. coz that's the only thing i'm looking forward to.

got to make up for all those nbm, npu, nbo, nO2, nsd nerve breaking days.
bye bye singapore.

finally this is it. dear god, give me the strength to walk away.
don't funk with my heart i tell you.
too weak to handle.

because it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder when you think it's everything you want. i've made up my mind there's definitely no turning back. up all of yours mofos!

2011-03-27T01:36:00.003+08:00

It's every nurses's dilemma. Do you play it safe and follow protocol? Or take a risk and invent a new one? There can be reward in risk. There can also be fallout. Still you need to book the system every once in a while. Bet big. And when you get the results you want, there's no better feeling in the world, but when you don't...

at least i know i've tried. and once i've made up my mind, there's definitely no turning back.

2011-03-25T11:46:00.002+08:00

“You know what I think we are most afraid of? Not knowing. Not knowing whether it’s all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting. Not knowing why you do the things you do; not knowing the purpose. Not knowing has always hurt us, from the very beginning.”

2011-03-23T09:51:00.002+08:00

By the time you realize, I will be gone. By the time you wanna tell me, I won’t listen. By the time you wanna be in my life again, I will be in someone else’s.

i am waiting for that time.

2011-03-23T09:40:00.003+08:00

How much can you actually accomplish in an hour? Run an errand maybe, sit in traffic, get an oil change. When you think about it an hour isn't very long. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six hundred seconds. That's it.

In medicine, though, an hour is often everything. We call it the golden hour. That magical window of time that can determine whether a patient lives or dies.

in my life, i wish i could get a refund.

2011-03-20T23:59:00.004+08:00

feeling where everything is perfect. You like them. They like you. Texting twenty four seven. Saying good morning, saying goodnight. Then you start using cute little pet names. Then it gets to the awkward stage where you’re not sure exactly what you are. Then once you figure it out, it all goes down hill from there. All the excitement is gone. All the passion is wasted. Everything you once were has just faded to nothing.

2011-03-18T01:07:00.002+08:00

2011-03-14T22:28:00.000+08:00

I’ve learned this past year. I’ve changed, I’ve grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don’t. But no matter what - they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analysing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There’s something I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes. I’ve learned that love really is a great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can’t save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.

Go ahead, text him first, he might be checking his phone, waiting for you. Turn on your iPod and run as far as you can. Say Hi to a stranger. You never know what they’ll become for you. Have a mental health day – you know you need it. Don’t go on facebook for a day and see what you can accomplish. Give money to a charity, your good karma will come around eventually. Sneak out, you might get caught, but it’ll be 100% worth it. Tell that one person that you like them, what’s the worst that can happen? He doesn’t like you back. Then he doesn’t deserve you anyways, right? Smile at a stranger, it could make their day. Wink, it’s sexy and makes you feel confident, after all, you are pretty hot. Go for somebody who is totally wrong for you, they may not be totally wrong after all. Stand up for yourself, because if you don’t, who will? YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

2011-03-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

It hurts to look at yourself in the mirror and hate yourself, look into the mirror and wonder what ever happened to that smile that used to shine so bright. When you look at yourself, you see this version of “you” that your mind has created, someone that has become so distant and cold that nobody wants to be around her. Empty eyes. Fragile bones. The only thing you have left are the lies you tell yourself everyday to survive, lies that have become your painful reality, lies that will swallow you whole and crush your insides, lies that have turned you into someone you never wanted to be..

Last time I remember I got so many b's. Now I cannot find a single one of them. Where they all go??

2011-03-11T00:03:00.001+08:00

The most painful thing in life is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.

I forgot that I was special. :(

2011-03-09T10:28:00.001+08:00

I finally got the guts to type it out. To say how I really feel and let everyone read it. I never needed confirmation. I may not be there physically but im definitely not stupid for a start. I don’t have to see it or hear it to believe anything. I trusted myself for that matter. I listened to my heart. And I could never go wrong. Even when everyone was telling me that I was going to make the biggest mistake in my life, I took a gamble and went for it. I loved every second treasured every moment and the least I could do was believe in a chance sincerely.

But I guessed that wasn’t enough. Even if it meant that I would go through the extra limit to do anything for you. I believed in you. I put my faith in everything you do. I trusted every promise you made. I hoped that in sickness and in health, in poor and in wealth, in life and in death I could turn to you. That was my belief. As simple as that. i love you for who you really were. for your real roots. Your friends, every single one of them. Your likes and dislikes. I accepted you as a whole.

But it seems not every fairy tale has a happy ending.
I can ask for the stupidest things any girl could ask for. Like be the only girl you dote and take care of. Be the only girl you’re nice to. But why ask for the impossible? Why expect something so sky-high when truth fact is I know it will never happen?

Why continue when we can hardly hear each other out without having to pick a fight the next moment?

Why even continue when your friends thinks that someone worthy will come for you someday? Up yours la motherfuckers. Ive had enough .

There’s more that I could say. But why should I even waste my time talking about it
this is really enough.

If you ever change , or situations change, insyaallah.

2011-03-01T00:38:00.003+08:00

When your patient walks out thanking you for the best care that you've given him, I feel contented. Happy that I brought back life to him. I never had the courage to stand beside you and look you in the eye. Afraid I might just turn gay and start crying . But today I did. I talked non stop. When you laughed it was Like being in heaven for a moment. It was a feeling better than any patients giving a verbal thank you or buying food enough to feed three entire shift. It was everything everybody could ask for. Thank you. :)

2011-03-01T00:10:00.001+08:00

When you really think about it, nothing in life is permanent. You may think that horrible fight you just had with your best friend will never end. Or when your parents finally crack and let loose the thousands of things they’re dissapointed in you for, that they’ll never be happy with you again. You may think that the horrible break up you just went through has caused you so much pain that you will never be able to love or trust anyone again. You could have just gotten a horrible hair cut or accidentally dyed your hair orange while trying to go blonde and you might think that the weird looks people give you are never going to stop. But think about it, just stop and think. One day your best friend is going to forgive you, and soon enough you’ll be sleeping over at her house again. One day, you’re going to make your parents so proud that it will make up for anything they ever looked down on you for. One day, you’re going to find a boy ten times better than the one who broke your heart; one that you’ll marry. And one day, that heartbreak you suffered so long ago won’t matter because it helped you find someone truely amazing. And your hair will eventually grow out, and go back to normal. Nothing is permanent. You just have to wait for the sunshine and the rainbow, but sometimes putting up with the rain is the hardest part.

2011-02-26T09:29:00.001+08:00

We are responsible with our patients. The problem is we blow it all out at work. In our own lives, we can't think things through. We don't make the sound choice. We did that all day at the hospital. When it comes to ourselves, we've got nothing left. And is it worth it—being responsible? Because if take your vitamins and pay your bills and never cut the line, the universe still gives you people to love and then lets them slip through your fingers like water, and what've you got? Vitamins and nothing.

why do i always get lucky in everything else but not this. honestly i'm really sick and tired of it all.

dear 2011, please be nicer to me.

2011-02-18T21:13:00.004+08:00

Probably , from the day I was born . Till this very day. This very day that everything is happening. Probably it's just meant to be. It's written in my destiny. For every reason that takes me to where I am. It's probably meant to happen. To turn out like the way things fall in my life.

The problem is , the only problem is ; I cared too much. That's all .

2011-02-16T23:46:00.002+08:00

One of the hardest lessons is learning to prioritize. We're trained to do all we can to save life and limb, but, if cutting off a limb, means saving a life, we learn to do it without hesitation. It's not an easy lesson to learn, and it always comes down to one question, "what are the stakes?" What do we stand to gain or lose? At the end of the day, we're just gamblers trying not to bet the farm.

when we receive, we render the best care. you make them better till they can walk all over again. you dress their wound. take good care of their stitches. lighten their staples. before you know it, they walk out a brand new person all over again.

but today. when i stand outside the glass door. and i look at you from outside. i couldn't do anything. i couldn't do anything to make things better. i watched you fight helplessly. i wished i could do something. for all that i'm made, i really wished i could do something. for all those lives that i brought back at the last minute, for all those ungrateful douchbags i cared for till they healed, for all those time, i wished all of it was for you. please come back.
you're breaking my heart. :(

2011-02-15T22:57:00.002+08:00

sometimes when someone asks me a simple question like 'how are you feeling?'. i could talk for hours. i could fill the air with my nonsense and shift the atmosphere with my emotions. but most other times i would just say a curt 'fine' and i walk away. no one would understand anyway.

i miss being happy. i miss feeling alive. i miss enjoying life. i miss having a real smile. i miss how a short period of time i feel happy only to find out that it's all gone the next moment.

i'm just very tired. i'm not superwoman i sware.

2011-02-09T14:28:00.001+08:00

here we go again.

with your mixed signals
and my second thoughts.

2011-02-09T14:25:00.001+08:00

2011-02-06T23:15:00.002+08:00

lately I've been really uninspired to write. most of the time my mind is blank.

nurses practice deception all the time. We give vague answers to hard questions. We don't talk about post-op pain. We say you'll experience some discomfort. If you didn't die, we tell you the surgery went well, but the placebo has to be the nurse's greatest deception. Half of our patients we tell the other truth ... the other half, we pray the placebo effect's real. And we tell ourselves that they'll feel better anyhow, believing help is on the way, when, in fact, we're leaving them to die.

work has been fine. people are nice to me. and I'm getting along fine.
i wished i could tell you the truth and not get you all worried at the same time. but i guess that would be too much to ask for. people around just stop believing. and it gets even harder when they are just faking sincerity. guess you just give and keep giving until you just die at some point of time.

this is my one week-work non-stop-no-break- week. i really hope i die at the end of it. faster~

rhapsodize

here we go again.with your mixed signalsand my second thoughts.

here we go again.

with your mixed signals
and my second thoughts.