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20.11.10
 I can't tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like. And right now there's a steel knife In my windpipe. I'm left with less than 48 hours. I can't sleep and I'm scared. I don't know if I'll be brave enough to do this on my own. I'm very scared. And I wish someone was honestly there for me. Is this really what I so badly want since last time? Or is it just eating me on the inside. Dear god, please bless me with the ultimate strength to go through this . I beg you.