19.2.12
When nobody hears you, even your opinions or how you feel do not matter.
Enough said
3.1.12
I want to be very very very pretty so you would........ Like me more
to a whole brand new year. so long to all the horrible dramas. living life to the fullest. embracing to every new priceless experience. not getting angry to easily. not letting the slightest thing affect me. be very very happy. and bring it on, 365 ;)
29.12.11
I am very thankful for being the luckiest girl in the world. I thank god for my awesome boyfriend. I can never thank god enough .
17.12.11
I'm just sad. That kind of sad that leaves you with no energy. The kind of sad that makes you want to crawl into bed and never wake up. The kind of sad that overwhelmes you so that even moving, or even talking or even smiling is painful. The kind of sad that you feel it in your heart. The kind of sad that a Congenital heart defect corrective surgery would hurt less.
I guess sometimes I gotta Be my own hero and save my own little heart. Because sometimes, the people you can't Imagine living without , can actually live without you . Proven for word. Nobody will take care of this little heart.
I wish I could go really far, and hide with my worthlessness. And someday hope somebody would Be proud of who I really am.
Ps: I wished everyday was filled with loving initiative from you just like 171212
29.11.11
I've learnt that if you open your heart fully and help others they are going to eventually stab you to death. It has always been always. I'm utterly speechless and disgusted. @.@
22.11.11
Today as of 1:13 am officially marks my 365 day. Im very proud of myself to have come this far. I'm very proud to have taken the gamble of life. To the new friends and to all my old ones :) not long ago, I met someone. Someone who I couldn't ask for more. Someone who turned all my dreams into reality, someone worth more than everything.
To more better happy endings in my life.
Dear spore, I'm officially gonna celebrate my 365. Wait for my return :))
17.11.11
I feel so lost. Like a compass with a broken needle.
I swear it was clear intention , wrong interpretation :'(
I just wish........
15.11.11
Dear god, it never felt this hard before. Why ?
9.11.11
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=SG#/watch?v=4lNxBtO2U_g
Dear sun please revolve faster
8.11.11
It's alwas not easy to speak your mind, sometimes you need to be forced to do it. Sometimes it's better to just keep things to yourself, play dumb, even when your whole body is aching to come clean. So you just shut your mouth, keep your secret and find other wAys to keep yourself happy.
Feels like countdown to the olvls all over again. Oh dear sun, please revolve around the world alittle faster. I honestly can't wait any longer.
3.11.11
What exactly brings two souls together. To go through life face every obstacle and then accept death gracefully . What exactly attracts you from the opposite sex ? Because of how she looks ? Similar interest? Similar thoughts, goals and dreams ? What does it exactly takes to fit your bill ? Is it always that hard to keep up ? To be that idol that your partner creates in his or her head . What exactly does it take it just love ?
If only people around could take a step back and give a chance to everything. Give it 99 chance . Then that extra one to finally decide what you want in life .
20.10.11
The only Bo that is coming out is from your filth mouth !!!! Your fucking existence is extremely redundant. You are on your fucking mobile 24/7. Even at work you go mia. And you seriously Look like you need to bath qds. Your appearance is the filthiest looking thing in the ward ! Go back to your fucking country . I really can't stand you dog
8.10.11
nobody notices when we leave.
i mean, the moments when we truly choose to go.
at best, you might feel
a whisper
or the wave of a whisper undulating down.
dear jiggly puff and combat killer, you have been the best thing that happen in the hospital.
you made me look forward to all my shifts and welcome it with open arms.
you showed me wrong from right. you had my back. "suck it up and finish your darn shift"
memories of all my 'after-shift' will remain like how i store an old memory somewhere in my hard disk. there but just slowly unnoticed. shed a tear once i dig up the file; occasionally.
now that you guys are leaving, i wish you the best that life has to offer. i guess i'm just not destined to have good friends by my side. when such good friends are so hard to come by.
someday, i'll find my ticket out of that place.
7.10.11
Same time last year things were definitely different. I miss being so carefree . Even exams didnt stress me put this bad. Too many responsibilities . Too many people asking for too many things. Feels like the whole world is above me . I hate myself sometimes . I swear I wasn't like this :(( god please bless me for the ugly road ahead send me more support from high above :(
5.10.11
I love my宝贝 to death !! Im really lucky to have him in my life!!
30.9.11
Life
finally alone time to talk to myself. i've realised something about myself. i don't know if its good or bad. i tend to not talk about anything that's bothering the shit out of me. i tend to keep it to myself and somehow a way or another find my way swimming out that pile of shit i landed in.
i don't let anyone in on my emotions. thus i guess, people around me wouldn't have the slightest idea of what goes on in this brain of mine. even if i were to talk about 'the situation' it definitely wouldn't be in a direct tone and i guess people around me are not just 'up there' to roll with me. so, you do the math. good or bad. but i have to admit, i'm grateful for those who are still in my life. definitely draws a fine line between stupid and not. sometimes its just hard telling people things about yourself, right?
lately it's been about the matter of love.
Do you have what it takes? If your relationship is in trouble, can you weather the storm? When the ground gives way and your world collapses, maybe you just need to have faith and trust that you can survive this together. Maybe you just need to hold on tight and no matter what, don't let go. i'm thankful for that someone who constantly gives in to me (giggles*)
well i guess everything has its up and down. One minute you're standing on solid ground, the next minute, you're not. And there are always two versions - yours and theirs. Both versions start the same way though; both start with two people falling in love.
i wouldn't trade the world for them. because they mean the world.
work
You work, you study, you prepare. Months and years leading to one day, the day when you step up. On that day you have to be ready for everything, but there's one thing you can never quite prepare for. A day when you step down. i never prepared myself well for it. my days consists of a mixture of 'i want to kill myself' and 'the world is so beautiful' with a constant of i hate certain people.
i'm a nice person. just don't push the bitch button. bipolar. omg.
lately i've learned that most people would say one thing to your face and just think of something different. but not to long ago, when i was going through a zombified period of my life, i met someone who (i never thought) actually believed in chances. it was nice talking to her, like a friend. an honest friend.
then again Sometimes it happens in an instance. We step up, we see a path forward. We see a path and we take it. Even when we have no idea where we're going.
quotes from jiggly puff,"girl, one day you're gonna snap so bad because you had enough of taking it all in."
25.9.11
January: remembering
FebRuary: forgetting
March: trying
April: something new
May: pros and cons
June: 21
July: finding home
August: heat
September: discovery
October: missing everything
November: happiness
December: high hopes
15.9.11
12.9.11
12:29 12septemer2011 you broke my heart.
I'm facing the worst life crisis. And i cannot stop crying.
Can I talk to someone please ?
I need a hug I sware
10.9.11
Blogging with ii wished it was waterproof so I could do it under the shower. Brand new year marks a brand new start for everything. Life gives us many chances . A month to clear our sins. And a month to rejoice over the achievement conquered so far. December would also welcome another brand new year with new resolutions to live up to. Had a new change of environment at work. I'll take it all in stride. Combat medic always keep the hype with her encouraging motivation, "suck it in" wonder what I would do without her and the rest.
I can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety or by the handle of faith. Even if It is going through hell, I'm going to make it through hell.
It's like one good example whereby every other person had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. But i, i seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway me one way or the other. I'm careless with my life. I'm not slitting my wrists but i'm just careless. The problem is the faith I put in chances is inevitable. All I hope is that I don't die from it. Enough about the hospital.
To Teri:
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
To bf:
1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 island, 7 seas and I had the privilege to meet you. Thank you for being my everything <3
3.9.11
3 down one more night to go. I look superbly zombified despite the fact that boyfriend tells me I'm the prettiest girl ever. Heeee thanks love. I miss mum. I haven't met her for 2 days already. Before she comes home from work I would have already have left for work. Inner feeling: I feel like the crappiest person alive. I miss it when I see people all dressed up in their newly tailored colorful traditional costume going for syawal visiting. In addition, they are doing it with the full attendance of every single family member :( and here I am stuck at work. Total bummer. I miss my family. And if I'm going to further touch on this context I might just shed a tear or two :'( <--- note the smiley :'(
Sometimes no wait all the time, no matter how hard I try to pacify everybody around me it just doesn't seem enough :(
Be too loud and people judge you.
Don't talk and you might make things awkward.
Can I just be myself ? :(
Will you still love me and thinks that the sun shines out of my ass ? :(
28.8.11
“I’ve learned a lot this year.. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.”
Cheers to a brand new start.
Selamat aidilfitri everyone :))
23.8.11
i miss last time. when it was just me alone against awesome fun.
work had been emotionally challenging. its hard when there someone out there ruining every thought that keeps your rolling. i feel very sad and distracted. conversations in the head with noone else but myself are something that i look forward to every single day. im definitely not the person i was a year ago. i miss being carefree. i miss having fun. guess i was never significant from the start. im done impressing you and your company. just let me rot in a little corner of the hospital and let the grey matter in my brain deplete like the thining ozone layer. im disgusted for you making fun of me asking me to eat during my fasting month, im disgusted in myself that i once actually looked up to you.
to teh botol:
mum said 'marriage is a gamble, you bet big you tio big. you bet small you tio small'. its all about luck. and i've never doubted what mum said.
but i guess its just not enough. besides what is enough. expectation makes someone forget his human. it was barely a week, you barely knew me. haha do you regret now?
13.8.11
The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome and all. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.
Dear rr, do you think the sun shines out of my ass ?
9.8.11
The stereo in the car. Reminds me of national day last year; those crazy moments . I would definitely say I missed it :(
5.8.11
then i found you.
4.8.11
Waiting patiently for the morning staff For me to hand over my shift. Then again I'm on night and then again sister is always making the huge ass biggest mistake of her life by putting in-charge all by myself. Can't wait for Jen (nurse) to come. She would gladly announce how zombified I looked after my night shift and that I would just scare all my patients. No kidding I'm damn serious. Ha ha ha did I mention how much I detest doing night ! 4 nights is enough to drain the shit out :(
Haven't been blogging diligently :( total fail.
It's going to be 7 am and bio chem had to called up to report another critical lab result. Shall pre amp myself by preparing a set of calcium Gluconate for my rather annoying bed 4 !! Detest !
Sometimes I need someone to tell me, hey nadiah you're a wonderful nurse and you rock.
Drop me an SMS if I know you :)
31.7.11
i read once that the ancient egyptians had fifty words for sand and the eskimos had a hundred words for snow. i wish i had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep.
& there are no words for that.
23.7.11
In life we're taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven.
You give in to a sin like envy or pride, and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lot of people with you.
i must be total fucking bitch for having the world revolve around me .........
22.7.11
When I thought everything was falling into place. Life is hard
I feel like a drive alone here singing on the top of my lungs. Anybody knows this place ? Nah I doubt u don't.
19.7.11
When ayat-ayat cinta came out on the stereo and how 'orchestra-emotion' we would become. When I would just go all crazy even in uniform when I saw you at the lobby because I knew things were gonna be ok. Studying hard together was very Promising. When dad asked me, how have you been and all I did was attempt to survive a choked saliva. When you thought sticky was popcorn and apparently still thinks it is.
To you, where ever you are, whatever you are doing, you pop-Ed in my mind and I just wanted to say I miss you .:)
I don’t want a normal relationship. I want something fucked up and passionate that completely destroys us both. I want us to be the only people that are able to handle each other. I want to feel out of control, and yet safe in my insanity.
not caring about what other people think of me was the best choice i've ever made.
to teri:
up those who just don't believe in chances.
lots of love, leticia.
A random conversation I had with mum.
"is he different from ** ?"
(surprisingly her memory is so good) "yeah he is no doubt the best, mum."
Bb bought me breakfast . Thanks love
18.7.11
this is the third post for today. i shouldn't fb too much. its unhealthy especially when i'm not working and all i've got planned for the day is being lazy.
go back to basics. where my roots were; blogging.
someday. ill open you (fb) again :)
till then you have done great justice to my life =)
There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.even a piercing wouldn't hurt as much as this. this is the most painful thing I've ever done, and I'm a girl who's had 82 surgeries. My threshold for pain is pretty high. but this hurts like a bitch.
the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it.
i wished you loved me more than anything. that's all.
16.7.11
But sometimes, you have to jump off a bridge and hope like hell that you learn to fly on your way down
Dear god, please make things a little easy for me . Thank you
2.7.11
It's 630 am and I'm sitting at my nurses counter waiting for the morning shift to hand-over.
I'm dead tired . But I've got one more night to go. I feel the need to talk to myself and hence I'm blogging. I had an uncalled for event with a member living under the same roof. And I've have been feeling a wee bit depressed ever since. With the crazy adventures that happens at work, i'm basically in need of a hug. To tell me that everything is going to be alright .
Just one more night ! Brace it
28.6.11
It's like you must have a certain memory about each other. Like the warmth of your back the pace of your heart beat and the way your fingers would curl in sequence when I play with your palm. Like how everyone around is wearing your scent. And how I could just feel your presence in a crowd.
Congrats on becoming captain handsome.
24.6.11
lately i turned 21. There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?
When nobody hears you, even your opinions or how you feel do not matter.
Enough said
3.1.12
I want to be very very very pretty so you would........ Like me more
sometime ago i lost myself. completely.
got out and got over a past relationship. adapted to a whole new environment. and this is where i am.
can never thank god enough for him; my man <3
i've realize that my blog has been photo-less for sometime now. will sum up my 2011 with a couple of pictures. teeeeheeee
thank god for my promotion to executive chief of the pantry. haha no ah.
but honestly thank god. and never once i regretted my decision in sgh.
celebrating his sweet 16
the second love of my life
in the changing room
classy birthday dinner
prps reunion
ice-skating and kite flying.
sometimes i wonder how they were doing. all i can do is pray to god for their well being.
i miss you girls and 0702.
29.12.11
I am very thankful for being the luckiest girl in the world. I thank god for my awesome boyfriend. I can never thank god enough .
17.12.11
I'm just sad. That kind of sad that leaves you with no energy. The kind of sad that makes you want to crawl into bed and never wake up. The kind of sad that overwhelmes you so that even moving, or even talking or even smiling is painful. The kind of sad that you feel it in your heart. The kind of sad that a Congenital heart defect corrective surgery would hurt less.
I guess sometimes I gotta Be my own hero and save my own little heart. Because sometimes, the people you can't Imagine living without , can actually live without you . Proven for word. Nobody will take care of this little heart.
I wish I could go really far, and hide with my worthlessness. And someday hope somebody would Be proud of who I really am.
Ps: I wished everyday was filled with loving initiative from you just like 171212
29.11.11
I've learnt that if you open your heart fully and help others they are going to eventually stab you to death. It has always been always. I'm utterly speechless and disgusted. @.@
22.11.11
Today as of 1:13 am officially marks my 365 day. Im very proud of myself to have come this far. I'm very proud to have taken the gamble of life. To the new friends and to all my old ones :) not long ago, I met someone. Someone who I couldn't ask for more. Someone who turned all my dreams into reality, someone worth more than everything.
To more better happy endings in my life.
Dear spore, I'm officially gonna celebrate my 365. Wait for my return :))
17.11.11
I feel so lost. Like a compass with a broken needle.
I swear it was clear intention , wrong interpretation :'(
I just wish........
15.11.11
Dear god, it never felt this hard before. Why ?
9.11.11
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=SG#/watch?v=4lNxBtO2U_g
Dear sun please revolve faster
8.11.11
It's alwas not easy to speak your mind, sometimes you need to be forced to do it. Sometimes it's better to just keep things to yourself, play dumb, even when your whole body is aching to come clean. So you just shut your mouth, keep your secret and find other wAys to keep yourself happy.
Feels like countdown to the olvls all over again. Oh dear sun, please revolve around the world alittle faster. I honestly can't wait any longer.
3.11.11
What exactly brings two souls together. To go through life face every obstacle and then accept death gracefully . What exactly attracts you from the opposite sex ? Because of how she looks ? Similar interest? Similar thoughts, goals and dreams ? What does it exactly takes to fit your bill ? Is it always that hard to keep up ? To be that idol that your partner creates in his or her head . What exactly does it take it just love ?
If only people around could take a step back and give a chance to everything. Give it 99 chance . Then that extra one to finally decide what you want in life .
20.10.11
The only Bo that is coming out is from your filth mouth !!!! Your fucking existence is extremely redundant. You are on your fucking mobile 24/7. Even at work you go mia. And you seriously Look like you need to bath qds. Your appearance is the filthiest looking thing in the ward ! Go back to your fucking country . I really can't stand you dog
8.10.11
nobody notices when we leave.
i mean, the moments when we truly choose to go.
at best, you might feel
a whisper
or the wave of a whisper undulating down.
dear jiggly puff and combat killer, you have been the best thing that happen in the hospital.
you made me look forward to all my shifts and welcome it with open arms.
you showed me wrong from right. you had my back. "suck it up and finish your darn shift"
memories of all my 'after-shift' will remain like how i store an old memory somewhere in my hard disk. there but just slowly unnoticed. shed a tear once i dig up the file; occasionally.
now that you guys are leaving, i wish you the best that life has to offer. i guess i'm just not destined to have good friends by my side. when such good friends are so hard to come by.
someday, i'll find my ticket out of that place.
7.10.11
Same time last year things were definitely different. I miss being so carefree . Even exams didnt stress me put this bad. Too many responsibilities . Too many people asking for too many things. Feels like the whole world is above me . I hate myself sometimes . I swear I wasn't like this :(( god please bless me for the ugly road ahead send me more support from high above :(
5.10.11
I love my宝贝 to death !! Im really lucky to have him in my life!!
30.9.11
Life
finally alone time to talk to myself. i've realised something about myself. i don't know if its good or bad. i tend to not talk about anything that's bothering the shit out of me. i tend to keep it to myself and somehow a way or another find my way swimming out that pile of shit i landed in.
i don't let anyone in on my emotions. thus i guess, people around me wouldn't have the slightest idea of what goes on in this brain of mine. even if i were to talk about 'the situation' it definitely wouldn't be in a direct tone and i guess people around me are not just 'up there' to roll with me. so, you do the math. good or bad. but i have to admit, i'm grateful for those who are still in my life. definitely draws a fine line between stupid and not. sometimes its just hard telling people things about yourself, right?
lately it's been about the matter of love.
Do you have what it takes? If your relationship is in trouble, can you weather the storm? When the ground gives way and your world collapses, maybe you just need to have faith and trust that you can survive this together. Maybe you just need to hold on tight and no matter what, don't let go. i'm thankful for that someone who constantly gives in to me (giggles*)
well i guess everything has its up and down. One minute you're standing on solid ground, the next minute, you're not. And there are always two versions - yours and theirs. Both versions start the same way though; both start with two people falling in love.
i wouldn't trade the world for them. because they mean the world.work
You work, you study, you prepare. Months and years leading to one day, the day when you step up. On that day you have to be ready for everything, but there's one thing you can never quite prepare for. A day when you step down. i never prepared myself well for it. my days consists of a mixture of 'i want to kill myself' and 'the world is so beautiful' with a constant of i hate certain people.
i'm a nice person. just don't push the bitch button. bipolar. omg.
lately i've learned that most people would say one thing to your face and just think of something different. but not to long ago, when i was going through a zombified period of my life, i met someone who (i never thought) actually believed in chances. it was nice talking to her, like a friend. an honest friend.
then again Sometimes it happens in an instance. We step up, we see a path forward. We see a path and we take it. Even when we have no idea where we're going.
quotes from jiggly puff,"girl, one day you're gonna snap so bad because you had enough of taking it all in."
25.9.11
January: remembering
FebRuary: forgetting
March: trying
April: something new
May: pros and cons
June: 21
July: finding home
August: heat
September: discovery
October: missing everything
November: happiness
December: high hopes
15.9.11
tumblr steal. "ha-ha"
12.9.11
12:29 12septemer2011 you broke my heart.
I'm facing the worst life crisis. And i cannot stop crying.
Can I talk to someone please ?
I need a hug I sware
10.9.11
Blogging with ii wished it was waterproof so I could do it under the shower. Brand new year marks a brand new start for everything. Life gives us many chances . A month to clear our sins. And a month to rejoice over the achievement conquered so far. December would also welcome another brand new year with new resolutions to live up to. Had a new change of environment at work. I'll take it all in stride. Combat medic always keep the hype with her encouraging motivation, "suck it in" wonder what I would do without her and the rest.
I can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety or by the handle of faith. Even if It is going through hell, I'm going to make it through hell.
It's like one good example whereby every other person had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. But i, i seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway me one way or the other. I'm careless with my life. I'm not slitting my wrists but i'm just careless. The problem is the faith I put in chances is inevitable. All I hope is that I don't die from it. Enough about the hospital.
To Teri:
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”
To bf:
1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 island, 7 seas and I had the privilege to meet you. Thank you for being my everything <3
3.9.11
3 down one more night to go. I look superbly zombified despite the fact that boyfriend tells me I'm the prettiest girl ever. Heeee thanks love. I miss mum. I haven't met her for 2 days already. Before she comes home from work I would have already have left for work. Inner feeling: I feel like the crappiest person alive. I miss it when I see people all dressed up in their newly tailored colorful traditional costume going for syawal visiting. In addition, they are doing it with the full attendance of every single family member :( and here I am stuck at work. Total bummer. I miss my family. And if I'm going to further touch on this context I might just shed a tear or two :'( <--- note the smiley :'(
Sometimes no wait all the time, no matter how hard I try to pacify everybody around me it just doesn't seem enough :(
Be too loud and people judge you.
Don't talk and you might make things awkward.
Can I just be myself ? :(
Will you still love me and thinks that the sun shines out of my ass ? :(
28.8.11
“I’ve learned a lot this year.. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.”
Cheers to a brand new start.
Selamat aidilfitri everyone :))
23.8.11
i miss last time. when it was just me alone against awesome fun.
work had been emotionally challenging. its hard when there someone out there ruining every thought that keeps your rolling. i feel very sad and distracted. conversations in the head with noone else but myself are something that i look forward to every single day. im definitely not the person i was a year ago. i miss being carefree. i miss having fun. guess i was never significant from the start. im done impressing you and your company. just let me rot in a little corner of the hospital and let the grey matter in my brain deplete like the thining ozone layer. im disgusted for you making fun of me asking me to eat during my fasting month, im disgusted in myself that i once actually looked up to you.
to teh botol:
mum said 'marriage is a gamble, you bet big you tio big. you bet small you tio small'. its all about luck. and i've never doubted what mum said.
but i guess its just not enough. besides what is enough. expectation makes someone forget his human. it was barely a week, you barely knew me. haha do you regret now?
13.8.11
The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome and all. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.
Dear rr, do you think the sun shines out of my ass ?
9.8.11
The stereo in the car. Reminds me of national day last year; those crazy moments . I would definitely say I missed it :(
5.8.11
then i found you.
4.8.11
Waiting patiently for the morning staff For me to hand over my shift. Then again I'm on night and then again sister is always making the huge ass biggest mistake of her life by putting in-charge all by myself. Can't wait for Jen (nurse) to come. She would gladly announce how zombified I looked after my night shift and that I would just scare all my patients. No kidding I'm damn serious. Ha ha ha did I mention how much I detest doing night ! 4 nights is enough to drain the shit out :(
Haven't been blogging diligently :( total fail.
It's going to be 7 am and bio chem had to called up to report another critical lab result. Shall pre amp myself by preparing a set of calcium Gluconate for my rather annoying bed 4 !! Detest !
Sometimes I need someone to tell me, hey nadiah you're a wonderful nurse and you rock.
Drop me an SMS if I know you :)
31.7.11
i read once that the ancient egyptians had fifty words for sand and the eskimos had a hundred words for snow. i wish i had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep.
& there are no words for that.
23.7.11
In life we're taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven.
You give in to a sin like envy or pride, and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lot of people with you.
i must be total fucking bitch for having the world revolve around me .........
22.7.11
When I thought everything was falling into place. Life is hard
I feel like a drive alone here singing on the top of my lungs. Anybody knows this place ? Nah I doubt u don't.
19.7.11
When ayat-ayat cinta came out on the stereo and how 'orchestra-emotion' we would become. When I would just go all crazy even in uniform when I saw you at the lobby because I knew things were gonna be ok. Studying hard together was very Promising. When dad asked me, how have you been and all I did was attempt to survive a choked saliva. When you thought sticky was popcorn and apparently still thinks it is.
To you, where ever you are, whatever you are doing, you pop-Ed in my mind and I just wanted to say I miss you .:)
I don’t want a normal relationship. I want something fucked up and passionate that completely destroys us both. I want us to be the only people that are able to handle each other. I want to feel out of control, and yet safe in my insanity.not caring about what other people think of me was the best choice i've ever made.
to teri:
up those who just don't believe in chances.
lots of love, leticia.
A random conversation I had with mum.
"is he different from ** ?"
(surprisingly her memory is so good) "yeah he is no doubt the best, mum."
Bb bought me breakfast . Thanks love
18.7.11
this is the third post for today. i shouldn't fb too much. its unhealthy especially when i'm not working and all i've got planned for the day is being lazy.
go back to basics. where my roots were; blogging.
someday. ill open you (fb) again :)
till then you have done great justice to my life =)
There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.even a piercing wouldn't hurt as much as this. this is the most painful thing I've ever done, and I'm a girl who's had 82 surgeries. My threshold for pain is pretty high. but this hurts like a bitch.
the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it.
i wished you loved me more than anything. that's all.
16.7.11
But sometimes, you have to jump off a bridge and hope like hell that you learn to fly on your way down
Dear god, please make things a little easy for me . Thank you
2.7.11
It's 630 am and I'm sitting at my nurses counter waiting for the morning shift to hand-over.
I'm dead tired . But I've got one more night to go. I feel the need to talk to myself and hence I'm blogging. I had an uncalled for event with a member living under the same roof. And I've have been feeling a wee bit depressed ever since. With the crazy adventures that happens at work, i'm basically in need of a hug. To tell me that everything is going to be alright .
Just one more night ! Brace it
28.6.11
It's like you must have a certain memory about each other. Like the warmth of your back the pace of your heart beat and the way your fingers would curl in sequence when I play with your palm. Like how everyone around is wearing your scent. And how I could just feel your presence in a crowd.
Congrats on becoming captain handsome.
24.6.11
lately i turned 21. There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?
